Boundaries & Limits,  Consent,  Seme-Nawa

On intimacy…

…or what we really do when we do ropes?

In our studio, a beginner couple is practicing. 

Tension exercise. One hour into the class, Alexander tells the student to tie the leg. The student is asking his model, “This tight is ok?” then looks at Alexander and asks him: “You want me to decide, right?” and then thinks and asks some more: “Why is it important that I decide?”. 

At this point, I want to say something. 

What do we do when we do ropes? 

My suspicion is, that we want to have some sort of encounter. To meet each other.  

How should this go? 

One way is, we discuss everything that is going to happen. We are equals, aren’t we? So the model will say exactly where and how they want it, and the rigger will execute. It will be safe for everyone. 

There is another way to make that encounter. We both can surrender. We surrender to the moment, to what is out there, and also to what is in us. 

We may show ourselves to each other. We may also look at each other. 

And then you – the rigger – can dare to tie this leg as tight as you want. And trust she will tell you if it’s not okay. There is a chance that will be okay. 

But you won’t know it unless you go for it. 

She won’t know it unless you go for it. 

If you do, you have a chance to learn something about each other. Make an encounter, on a bit deeper level. 

I think that’s what they call intimacy

Both ways are possible. 

Just your decision, what do you like to do when you do ropes. 

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