• Thoughts

    Self-validated sexuality

    From self-validated sexuality to self-validated life? Why are we so dependent on others’ validation? Why is it so strong in us and even when being aware of that, we are still compelled to measure ourselves by external frame?  It begins early in life. When growing up, we are told that we are not okay and we get corrected. Whatever it is: too much noise when playing, perfomance at school… Your mom’s really upset with you now! What do we learn from that? We better comply with our parents‘ view on us, otherwise they withdraw their love. Something we are in desperate need for as little creatures…  This is the beginning…

  • Thoughts

    Shrinking spaces

    For me, and for Merriam-Webster, “Bondage” means slavery, means restraining someone, taking away their freedom, their power. This is a criminal act, unless it’s done between consenting adults within a frame of erotic play.  When I’m being tied I give up my power, my freedom of choice, and my freedom of movement… It is not a commodity and this is not casual. It has an erotic element to it, and a ritualistic element, and an element of play. Otherwise, what my partner is doing to me would be – madness. And for some people, coming to our jam and watching us playing though their Instagram lenses, it probably does look…

  • Thoughts

    A shameful story

    I’ve got long hair. I go to hairdresser. He is a good one and always overbooked. He squeezes me into his schedule. Sometimes when he is occupied with other people, his partner, chatty blond lady, takes his work to wash my hair. I don’t like her touch. Her hands are stiff and she has long nails.  Just last week, it happened again. She invited me to come to that chair with a sink. I knew already I don’t like that. But refusing her would be quite confrontational. I would have to explain myself. I already prepared what i could say in German. But I don’t say a thing. Like a…