• Thoughts

    Self-validated sexuality

    From self-validated sexuality to self-validated life? Why are we so dependent on others’ validation? Why is it so strong in us and even when being aware of that, we are still compelled to measure ourselves by external frame?  It begins early in life. When growing up, we are told that we are not okay and we get corrected. Whatever it is: too much noise when playing, perfomance at school… Your mom’s really upset with you now! What do we learn from that? We better comply with our parents‘ view on us, otherwise they withdraw their love. Something we are in desperate need for as little creatures…  This is the beginning…

  • Thoughts

    Shrinking spaces

    For me, and for Merriam-Webster, “Bondage” means slavery, means restraining someone, taking away their freedom, their power. This is a criminal act, unless it’s done between consenting adults within a frame of erotic play.  When I’m being tied I give up my power, my freedom of choice, and my freedom of movement… It is not a commodity and this is not casual. It has an erotic element to it, and a ritualistic element, and an element of play. Otherwise, what my partner is doing to me would be – madness. And for some people, coming to our jam and watching us playing though their Instagram lenses, it probably does look…

  • Boundaries & Limits

    Own your limits

    I feel that the “cancel culture” we have created in our society, our focus on the conflict, on being “wrong”, is a result of us feeling insecure about our own limits. We feel a need to make someone “wrong” so that we can justify our own “no, thank you!”. It seems to me.  One of the most powerful learnings I have made in my Sexological Bodywork practice was the skill of claiming my own boundaries without making the others “wrong”.  I recall once in my training sessions, I was giving bodywork to a fellow student. After the work, still lying on the mat, they asked me to come down to them…

  • Seme-Nawa

    Bottoming for Seme-nawa

    Semenawa is in demand these days. Many people feel attracted to a darker, erotic, challenging, and most of all deeply emotional way of doing Kinbaku. „Many people do naka-ties, but very few do naka style“ Riccardo Wildties From my perspective of the one being tied, I feel that a lot of actual seme-nawa spirit is created by the person in ropes, not only by the intention and skills of the person tying. I feel that it is our mindset, our presence with ourselves and our partner, with our emotions, our generous invitation, our devotion, this is what makes a big difference, this is what will define whether it will be…

  • Thoughts

    A shameful story

    I’ve got long hair. I go to hairdresser. He is a good one and always overbooked. He squeezes me into his schedule. Sometimes when he is occupied with other people, his partner, chatty blond lady, takes his work to wash my hair. I don’t like her touch. Her hands are stiff and she has long nails.  Just last week, it happened again. She invited me to come to that chair with a sink. I knew already I don’t like that. But refusing her would be quite confrontational. I would have to explain myself. I already prepared what i could say in German. But I don’t say a thing. Like a…

  • Learning

    The Learning mindset

    The Learning mindset: your key to make real progress in rope bondage Did you ever wonder why some people make fast progress taking up a new discipline and others don’t? Looks like it’s not limited to rope bondage, it is the same in aikido or dance or any other body based arts… Now, as we both learn and teach a lot, we feel that we found some answers about what will facilitate the most your progress in learning rope bondage (either as rigger or as a model) or any other somatic discipline.  But before we share our insights, we want to share some of the observations… Many people seem to…

  • Consent

    Consent in rope

    A short guide on how to negotiate consent in rope and get what you really want Consent in rope is a hot topic these days. There are many words written about empowering the person in ropes to set up or defend their boundaries and creating awareness for the tying person to encourage this behavior. That’s great. There is also a lot of teaching how to negotiate a rope scene including elaborated check-lists. Still, there is an element missing. We believe the “success” of consent negotiation comes not with the most detailed check-list but with getting clear and honest first of all with yourself and then your partner about what your intentionfor…

  • Seme-Nawa

    The Power of Surrender

    Some thoughts on Seme-nawa from a bottoming perspective. My partner and I devote ourselves to a very particular kind of rope bondage – the one that is called “semenawa”. Literally it means “torture” or “tormenting rope”. I like to ponder about what it means in our context of erotic play, not torturing war captives… By definition, “torture” asks for intense experience. Riccardo Wildties: … torture starts when you are passing the threshold of “what is enough”. It is in the moment in which an ordinary bondage scene would stop that torture starts. Semenawa is giving “more than enough”…

  • Somatics of Rope

    Good Pain vs. Bad Pain

    Three Questions strategy to navigate your rope experience and stay safe Pain naturally belongs to the experience of going out of comfort zone. When playing with physical restriction and gravity, compression, extension and torsion and all possible ways of bringing the body in stressful positions, chances are at some point you will interact with pain.  The common understanding is that pain exists there to keep you safe. Here is what happens on a physiological level: special sensory neurons called nociceptors respond on damaging or potentially damaging stimuli by sending signals to the spinal cord and the brain. If the brain perceives the threat as credible, it creates the sensation of…

  • Boundaries & Limits

    Boundaries and Limits

    When we hear “boundaries” or “limits,” perhaps we think of something negative like a “restriction,” or “obstacle”, something that  limits our free expression or experience. I recall a conversation I had with a woman who just experienced her first back bend in ropes and was obviously challenged. She literally said: “That’s not me, that’s just my back” and I said, “But my dear, that is you.” This got me thinking about how deeply rooted this perspective is in us. Reaching out for our idea of how we want it to be, we are almost eager to objectify ourselves. I offer another perspective, borrowed from nature. Imagine river banks holding deep…